It is getting to be that time of year
again. The weather is taking a turn for the better, the birds and the bees are
preparing to do their seemingly unnatural inter-species dance (I don’t think my
parents explained that one properly), and we’re into the nice stretch of months
that end with ber.
But with all these wonderful seasonal
developments comes another less desirable activity. It’s Fashion Season! The
fashion forward crowd is waiting with baited breath to try and discover whether
it will be acceptable for gents to wear socks with shoes over summer or what
area of the body women should be focusing their exercise regimes towards based
on the new cutaway sections of the various summer dress styles. The gossip
media are ready to being gushing about who’s sitting in the front row of who’s
show and Blogger.com are struggling to cope with the sudden spike in the number
of new fashion inspired blogs started by those hoping to score media passes to
be closer to the action. Meanwhile the rest of us are sitting and wondering why
these designers bother at all given that in the future we’re all going to end
up wearing uniform silver jumpsuits.
I don’t get fashion and I’m okay with that
but I still reserve the right to argue the value of fashion shows. Who are
these clothes meant to be for? Most of the outfits, worn by models who seem
like they might actually collapse under the weight of the high priced fabrics,
appear to have been inspired by The Jetsons, The Flinstones or any one of Hannah
Barbera’s other old school cartoons. If I saw someone walking down the street
wearing one of these “designs” I would assume that the person had lost a bet,
lost their dignity or lost their mind. Either way, I’m classifying them as a
loser of sorts. Surely post parade retailers don’t come running to the designer
to fill out an order form for the new three piece custom made denim bikini. I
have to assume that these outfits are more like concept cars in that they are
what the designers predict fashion will be like 10 years from now. Cause the
directors from Back to the Future did that and we’re still waiting for Hover
Boards and automatically fitting jackets.
Australia’s two major retailers David Jones
and Myer have already recommenced their spring rivalry and as usual, I have
absolutely no idea who is winning. I think a much more sensible way to decide
the winner of this annual battle would be to simply decide who has the more
attractive “ambassadors” and that way whoever has Miranda Kerr automatically
wins.
My only hope for the world of fashion is
that the mantra of “everything old is new again” so that one day I will pick up
a Cosmo magazine and read an article titled “Hyper Colour is the New Black”.
One last thing, if these models are clothes
horses, why isn’t the strutting path called a Horsewalk instead of a Catwalk?
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