There’s something about seeing Julia
Gillard kiss Barrack Obama on the cheek in front of the United Nations backdrop
that just doesn’t sit right with me. At
a time of carbon taxes, Ipads and Higgs Boson particles, surely we have reached
a point in our society where the antiquated gesture of kissing one another on
the cheek to say hello and/or goodbye is dead.
While we might look to Europe for trends in
the fashion world, I think we should choose to ignore our fine tailored friends
in the Northern Hemisphere on this topic. Time and time again I was caught out
for failing to greet people with the appropriate number of kisses while I was
living in London. The French have even moved to kiss kiss kiss, a three peat of
pecks as their standard greeting. What a waste of time, if I had the
inclination, the time or the mathematical ability I would work out the amount
of time the French waste on kissing one another hello and goodbye. Maybe if the
Europeans spent a little less time smooching one another and a little more time
managing the countries economies, the European Union wouldn’t be about to fold
in on itself.
For the majority of women I seem to be
socially obliged to kiss hello I can’t think of a single possible reason for
our faces to ever be in that proximity of one another’s. We don’t become closer
friends because my lips have touched their face. There is no deeper connection
forged by me leaving some remnants of saliva on their cheek. And I’m sure they
don’t walk away from that greeting going “Geez, I’m glad I know what Liam had
for lunch since he got all up in my grill when he said hello” (Yes I find it
weird that certain women I know refer to their faces as “grills”). I think the
kiss kiss should have died around the same time Holly Valance released a song
of the same name. I understand that there are some people who find the kiss
hello endearing and I’m not trying to say these people have deep seeded
mother/father issues that they should probably speak to someone about but maybe
they should just buy a dog if they want to hug something that badly. I’ve seen
blokes go post workout at the gym, covered in sweat walk up to a girl they know
and go in for the kiss hello…. AT THE GYM! I must have been exercising with
poor technique all these years because the last thing I feel like doing at the
gym is kissing someone.
I know that the responsibility to change
this social greeting rests with the males of the species. So with this in mind
I’m choosing to reserve kisses hello for my girlfriend, mother or other members
of my immediate family. For all others, I’m implementing a policy of handshake
or fist bump; if we know one another on a personal level, fist bump, if we deal
with one another in a professional environment, handshake. This situation does
have the potential to lead to the awkward shake of the fist but that is a price
I’m prepared to pay.
So it’s time to kiss the kiss hello,
goodbye.
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